Literary Rejections on Display: John Fox Makes the Skies ...

  • Subscribe to our RSS feed.
  • Twitter
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Facebook
  • Digg
Showing posts with label amusing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label amusing. Show all posts

Thursday, September 25, 2014

This Agent Must Not Have Many Editor Friends To Take To Lunch

Posted on 6:46 AM by humpty
You know that Literary Agents and I generally do not see eye to eye, though I love them dearly, each and every one, from their tiny toes to the hairs of their chiny-chin-chins. That said, I have to say, I got a good chuckle out of this agent, Andy Ross, who has posted faux literary rejections on his website. Clever. And I like his spunk.  Here is an excerpt of my favs:
  • Plato's Republic: "I’m not sure that the author has anything really new to say about the themes he discusses."
  • Sophocles' Oedipus Rex: "Although I am a personal admirer of Mr. Sophocles, I feel that Oedipus is a minor work and, quite frankly, a little derivative." 
  • Joyce's Ulysses: "I’m sorry. I just don’t get it."
  • Tolstoy's War and Peace: "Just between you and me, this manuscript just isn’t ready for prime time. For starters, it is a real door-stopper."
Funny guy.

Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Is It Rejection Cartoon Tuesday Already?

Posted on 6:44 PM by humpty
Why, yes, my friends, it is rejection cartoon Tuesday. Here you go:







Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Need Anyone Say More?

Posted on 11:22 AM by humpty

Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Friday, February 7, 2014

Have a Laugh Please

Posted on 2:05 PM by humpty
What? It's time for Cartoon Friday already? 


Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

What's Your Lifetime Creative Earnings?

Posted on 8:41 AM by humpty
Today, because I'm a little bit anal and overly responsible, I'm pulling together my taxes, and realizing that in the year of our Lord 2013 my business writing earned enough income to sustain life (just barely), and my creative writing earned zero dollars and zero cents (zero sense). This is pretty much the same as it is every year, except for the occasional bonanza of a grant, fellowship, or lit prize with money attached, which due to the goodness of God falls in my lap once in a great while.
     If I had to tally my lifetime earnings for my creative writing over these few decades of my time here on earth, it would add up to about $44,000.00, and I'm counting a local library poetry prize from my long-ago youth. So that is an actual lifetime tally. The sad thing is, I am surprised by how much it is; not bad for a hack! By the way, has anybody seen that one 1099 from that company with the funny name? I can't find it all of sudden. How is it that papers can evaporate like that into thin air?  It's disturbing.
     Anyone else care to share their lifetime total earnings for creative writing? I don't tend to egg-on blog comments, but I thought that might be an interesting thread.
Read More
Posted in amusing, WR's journey | No comments

Monday, January 27, 2014

Great Volumes, Batman!

Posted on 1:40 PM by humpty
Those New England baked-beaners are so formal. They don't read; they get "acquainted" with your work.  It's not terrible (see Saturday's post); it simply "does not suit" them. They aren't sorry they can't respond personally, they "regret the great volume of submissions they receive."  They don't want you to bug off, but to have "success placing your work elsewhere."  Thanks for thinking of them!
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Is This For Real?

Posted on 7:49 PM by humpty
Boom! Now, that's an honest form letter for you. This is, of course, how most of the weary readers at these beleaguered  feel about it.  So, sing it, sister!
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Monday, January 13, 2014

Do A**holes Ever Fly?

Posted on 5:27 AM by humpty
My new all-time favorite rejection.
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Thursday, September 27, 2012

New Yorker Rejection Return

Posted on 2:41 PM by humpty
I'm not really coming out of retirement, but an LROD reader sent me this rejection, which is personalized and from the New Yorker!  I had to post it. Okay, that's all.  (I'm like Cher with the false retirement announcements, right?) Peace out again:
Dear [Writer's First Name]: We regret that we are unable to use the enclosed material. Many of your images, however, are quite beautiful. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider it. Sincerely, The Editors
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

September...and Waiting

Posted on 11:51 AM by humpty




Auspices: Literary Rats

Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Watch the WHR Birdie

Posted on 6:34 AM by humpty
Well, at least it's a distraction from your rejection from all of Western Humanity.  Here's a closer look at the bird:

Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Folded in Half and Shoved in SASE

Posted on 4:25 AM by humpty
A little flippant? Or simply to-the-point? It's hard to say. I can't tell if it's cute or irritating. Both, I guess. Certainly, the sign off is a bit much, but what do I know. People have their own style. "Pax!" What's the Latin word for "Give me a break, Dude."
Read More
Posted in amusing, annoying | No comments

Monday, June 18, 2012

Puritanical Rejection

Posted on 3:35 PM by humpty
As few words as possible, pilgrim; it's cold in these parts:
Dear Writer: Though your work has been declined by our editors, we thank you for allowing us to consider it. Sincerely, The Editors of The Massachusetts Review
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I Before E, People....I Before E

Posted on 11:49 AM by humpty
There are a lot of links in this rejection:

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your work, but we are sorry to inform you that your manuscript was not selected as a finalist for the prize. As you know, we read a great number of quality submissions, and we hope you understand that we can only nominate a small fraction of those writers.

With your contest submission, you should have by now received a copy of our Spring 2012 issue of Arts & Letters, as well as the link to download the new issue of our digital ePub, Arts & Letter Prime. Just in case, here is the link for Prime 1.2: http://al.gcsu.edu/7pk8ia2z.php. And if you have not recieved [sic] Issue 26, please email us (al.journal@gcsu.edu) and let us know.

Your submission also gives you access to PRIME 2.1, coming in the fall, which you will be able to download here: http://al.gcsu.edu/52fq9iJ1.php. And next spring, you will receive Arts & Letters Issue 27, featuring the prize winning work from this contest, as well as access to the updated edition of PRIME 2.2. (Same download link as PRIME 2.1.)

Thank you again, and good luck with your writing.

The Editors
Arts & Letters
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Now Why Didn't I Think of That

Posted on 9:45 AM by humpty
Someone sent 11 pounds of marijuana to fictitious publishing employee, Karen Wright, or how to get published at St. Martin's Press? Check it out.
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Bear Will Not Use You

Posted on 10:27 AM by humpty
This scrawl was sent back on the bottom of a submission letter to The Bear Deluxe (an independent environmental magazine) and sent in by a loyal Mouse who has been getting the work out there. It says:  "Thanks for thinking of us but we are unable to use your work." Couldn't they have composted it?
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Not Sure What to Think

Posted on 12:45 PM by humpty
Something original-ish from Splotch. Send in your rejection letters and they will print the best 15 in their publication, Splotch, which seems to publish artists' work form a variety of medium. The publishers write the following about their cleverly named online journal:
The term splotch represents to us, creative enlightenment; that moment of inspiration each artist experiences that surpasses his or her normal thought pattern. It is an idea that must be produced and shared with others. This idea cannot be defined, outlined, or planned, but appears sporadically and unpredictably. A splotch comes in the form of imagery for visual artists, melody for musicians, and narrative for writers. The work displayed in our website may at first appear very different, but they share the same purpose. Whether it is on the web, on a gallery wall, or on the street, we are showcasing our splotches, our inspired thoughts.
All-righty then.
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Stay Out of My Nightmares Please

Posted on 6:26 AM by humpty
Maybe it's good not to be accepted by the dark fiction of your addiction. Just saying':
Thank you for sending us "Title". We appreciate the chance to read it. Unfortunately, the piece is not for us. Thanks again. Best of luck with this. Sincerely, Kara Ferguson, Midnight Screaming for your dark fiction addiction.
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

FB Us, If You Please

Posted on 12:13 PM by humpty
They do not use articles at Foundling Review, do they?
Writer - "Title of Story" was close; we have finally decided to pass this time. Foundling Review editors are glad that you considered us as a potential market for your work. We ask that you please wait at least a month before re-submitting. Regards, Assoc. Editor, Foundling Review NOTE: We're on Facebook; do take the time to connect.
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Soul Searching Rejection

Posted on 10:21 AM by humpty
I like this rejection. It's like at McSweeney's they tried really hard to find a place for your beautiful work, but they just couldn't quite find the perfect spot for it.  And whilst this is probably not exactly representative of their process of rejecting, I think it is a classy no-blame way to accomplish the task:
Dear [First name Last name]: Thank you for sending us "Title of piece". We rely on submissions like yours since a good portion of what we publish comes to us unsolicited. Unfortunately, we can't find a place for this piece in our next few issues. But please feel free to submit again in the future as our tastes and needs continuously change. Thanks again for your efforts and letting us see your work. Sincerely, Chelsea Hogue, McSweeney's Quarterly Concern
Read More
Posted in amusing | No comments
Older Posts Home
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

Popular Posts

  • Next Readings: NYC! Thursday, Jan 15th at KGB Bar and Sunday at Book Culture (81st & Columbus)
    Last Friday at the reading in Cambridge @HarvardBooks, co-sponsored by @Grubstreet, I met a loyal LROD reader, who is a blogger and novelist...
  • Social Media, Social Media, Social Media
    But will it save you from literary rejection? This article at Business2Community has some words on the matter and a very tenuous (IMHO) ass...
  • Will You Be My Father/Agent And Never Disinherit me?
    Tim Seldes is an old-timey gentleman agent. I got a rejection from him too.  I chatted with him once, not knowing that he was an agent, a l...
  • What If I Didn't Comment...Would You Fill In?
  • Glowy People Magazine Review and Sweet Huffington Post Interview....(I Kid You Not, People)
    Predictions that the final post would not be my final post have come to fruition. But how could I go any further in this life and world wit...
  • Cutbank Rejection
    Dear [first name of writer]: Thank you for giving us the opportunity to read “[title of piece].” While we very much enjoyed your work, after...
  • Simplification
    It could become the universal rejection.
  • Christmas Comes Early
    I woke up this morning, and I knew how to fix my novel. I've been restructuring it since November, but I had a pacing issue. Figured out...
  • Count Down Day 26--What's The Real Deal With Me & Jacob Appel?
    Jacob Appel is a prince among male writers. He is also prolific and smart and an interesting guy.  He is the second winner of the Golden Ap...
  • An Agent Writes In...But Not My Agent
    A good-humored agent sent me the following correspondence, which consists of the agent's rejection, followed by a rather snarky response...

Categories

  • A book at last
  • Agent 99
  • alas
  • amusing
  • annoying
  • archival
  • betsy lerner
  • boring
  • Count Down To WR's Identity
  • darin strauss
  • earnest
  • exemplary
  • famous
  • industry response
  • jacob appel
  • just plain crappy
  • mean
  • media attention
  • MFA question
  • misguided
  • Narrative Magazine
  • New Yorker
  • nice
  • question of the month
  • rejection advice
  • rejection confession
  • reversal rejection
  • rosemary ahern
  • secret agent man
  • snap
  • strange
  • the death of fiction
  • tiered
  • Tin House
  • victory over rejection
  • Vonnegut
  • VQR
  • what the google?
  • WR's journey

Blog Archive

  • ▼  2015 (2)
    • ▼  January (2)
      • Next Readings: NYC! Thursday, Jan 15th at KGB Bar ...
      • Did You Know Cambridge Was Its Own Place? READING ...
  • ►  2014 (130)
    • ►  December (2)
    • ►  November (4)
    • ►  October (14)
    • ►  September (7)
    • ►  August (14)
    • ►  July (17)
    • ►  June (3)
    • ►  May (16)
    • ►  April (10)
    • ►  March (10)
    • ►  February (21)
    • ►  January (12)
  • ►  2012 (108)
    • ►  October (1)
    • ►  September (8)
    • ►  August (9)
    • ►  July (11)
    • ►  June (10)
    • ►  May (9)
    • ►  April (12)
    • ►  March (20)
    • ►  February (12)
    • ►  January (16)
  • ►  2011 (211)
    • ►  December (13)
    • ►  November (16)
    • ►  October (13)
    • ►  September (14)
    • ►  August (20)
    • ►  July (18)
    • ►  June (21)
    • ►  May (19)
    • ►  April (19)
    • ►  March (19)
    • ►  February (20)
    • ►  January (19)
  • ►  2010 (49)
    • ►  December (21)
    • ►  November (20)
    • ►  October (8)
Powered by Blogger.

About Me

humpty
View my complete profile